How I Met Your Mother- The True Story

The Year 2012.

Kids, remember how seven years ago I had started telling you the story of How I Met Your Mother. Remember, how I started narrating the story with such enthusiasm. Remember how I told you about the escapades of my awesome group. Well, so the thing is I had no idea that there was a hidden camera in our living room and the footage was being siphoned away by CBS and being telecast on international television! So much for all the privacy brouhaha they create!

So anyway, this one day your Uncle Barney Stinson who happens to be 'awesome' happened to be on a business trip to India and realised that 15 year olds there have begun speaking like him. He happened to stop by an ice cream shop at Marine Drive and saw these young adults exclaiming how 'Legend-wait-for-it-and I hope you are not lactose intolerant-dary' the chilli ice cream was. Then he saw those shopowner bros freeze frame hi5-ing each other. And since we all know how AWESOME he is at sleuthing, he figured out the cause for rise of this phenomenon. There apparently exists this website called Piratebay which has all the latest torrents and it has apparently displeased those phoren DVD vendors outside all local train stations. Infact, highly places sources in our government have confirmed on the condition of anonymity that they are the ones who had infact petitioned for the SOPA/PIPA Act. Now Barney, being the shrewd businessman that he is struck a deal with the channel and well this is how I pay for your school since my career as an architect is really going nowhere.

In the meanwhile, your Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall started getting jealous of our success. Your Uncle Marshall is as unsure as a dead duck as to whether he wants to be a corporate lawyer or an environment crusader. I heard from this law student in Mumbai, that she can relate to Marshall very well. It's almost as if it's the story of her life. Um, strictly the professional part, of course. So I decided to convolute the story a bit and present to the world as to how miserably you will fail as both a corp lawyer and an environment crusader and how eventually, you will have to live off your wife's salary which she makes as a kindergarten teacher. But as long as you have friends who will reserve a booth for you at your favourite watering hole and pay for your beers and stand by you no matter what, it's cool!

Then comes Aunt Robin. Now Aunt Robin is only a pseudo-friend you see. You already know who your mother is. Yes, the woman who screams at you every morning for you not cleaning your room, having your cereal et al. They brought her all the way from Canada just to bring a pretty face to the show, so that once those 15 year olds turn into 18 year and 22 year olds, they still continue to watch the show. And then they forced me to say things such as I proposed to her and this and that, which I vehemently deny but you see for TRPs you have to go the distance. And then when they saw that the TRPs were declining, they introduced a shrink of Indian origin. These Indians I tell you, all you need to do to keep them happy is flatter them via these home videos with subtitles. The CIA is doing their job alright.

And to think of it, they are a bunch of buffoons. I have told them repeatedly as to How I Met Your Mother. They already know about the yellow umbrella and how she was there in my class which was not mine. Are they waiting for a face? Like they say in Mumbai, so I've heard, itna paisa mein itnaich milenga!

psst: I also hear there's some woman called Ekta Kapoor who wants to remake the show and call it Kkkkaahaani Mummy Kii.

The Anatomy of Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

I'm a commercial Hindi cinema junkie. I like to specify commercial because for me no Hindi movie is complete without atleast half a dozen songs and since studios such as Yashraj Films, Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment and Dharma Productions, to name a few, never disappoint, I ensure that my Ladakh Trip Fund savings get depleted slightly every month.

This weekend, however, has been about repeat telecasts of Hindi cinema's gems over the past two decades. My Saturday was spent in watching the wedding video a.k.a Hum Aapke Hain Koun...! and Sunday was productively utilised in watching a rotund kid transform into the chiseled Hrithik Roshan interspersed with a zillion advertisements that turns a 3 hour movie into one that spans over 5 hours. All hail commercialism.

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (K3G because it sounds 'kewl') is a movie about loving your parents which the Shravan Kumar of the modern India, Karan Johar, emphasises in the title card. The ensemble cast of the movie consists stalwarts of Hindi cinema namely Amitabh Bachchan, Jaya Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Kajol, Hrithik Roshan and Kareena Kapoor. A super hit formula.

The movie's premise is quite simple. There's a wealthy North Indian Family, whose patriarch is named Yashvardhan Raichand, very apt considering how wealthy they are, who lives with his wife and two sons and mother and mother-in-law and a battery of servants in a haveli which mysteriously resembles a castle somewhere in Great Britain. But they are this traditional Indian family wherein it is mandatory for everybody to go to boarding school and they get to come back on Diwali day in a private chopper.

Then Shahrukh Khan who is obviously called Rahul is scheduled to marry Rani Mukherjee's character but he isn't interested in a sophisticated girl and chooses Kajol's character who is high on hormones, over her. She also has a knack for calling things by unconvential names, for example, a flower pot is a 'gamla' which our Rahul finds immensely charming. He confesses his love for her in a dream sequence where he's wearing a transparent shirt and crooning to Sonu Nigam's voice at an exotic beach location. But Sr. B who is the patriarch, who otherwise is a man of high ideals, is completely opposed to the idea of having a girl from Chandni Chowk as his bahu, so in a fit of rage he tells Rahul that the latter is an adopted son and that he should leave the mansion. The women of the house including the two grannies and the mother, Sr. Mrs. B have little say in this.

A few years later, the quintessential 'behenji' schoolgirl who happened to be Kajol's characters sister has transformed into this college hottie, now portrayed by Kareena Kapoor who is prefers people calling her 'Poo'. And the podgy brother of Rahul , earlier known as Laddoo, has grown an extra finger and turned into Hrithik Roshan. Poo and Laddoo obviously fall in love and dance in synthetic leather costumes and Rahul who is unaware of Laddoo's real identity (for obvious reasons) let's him stay in his house at the behest of his patriotic wife. Hindustani hi hindustani ki madad karega naa. Then this hindustani, teaches Rahul's son the Indian National Anthem to be performed at the school annual day and then reveals his true identity to everyone.

A few song and dance sequences, Karva chouth festival and modern day renditions of 'bhajans' and some umpteen songs later, the senior grandmother expresses her desire to see all the male members of the family together before she dies. Thus, they return back to India and a couple of emotional speeches later, the family unites again. And yes, Laddoo and Poo do get married.

Credits roll.

Jagriti Yatra Reloaded

Here's a link to the pictures I took while on the Jagriti Yatra 2011.

https://picasaweb.google.com/114674381066564105791/AroundTheCountryIn15Days

Oh sweet nostalgia :)

Common Cold

My immune system has never really been worth bragging about. Infact, a local pandit had once suggested that I wear a pearl pendant cast in silver to appease the Gods that control the DNA of the rhinovirus. Bottles of big blue Ayurvedic tablets, disgusting yellow cod liver oil tablets and ounces of chywanprash that have tormented my taste buds as a child with false promises of strengthening my immunity. Now that I am studying law, I am contemplating to sue them. But that later.

So the rhinovirus which is the perpetrator of common cold loves me (like it hates me). The bitch of a virus that it is, it won't even succumb to Over the Counter (OTC) remedies. But honestly, do OTCs really work for you? I think they're just somnia inducing placebos that trick your body into waging the war against the single stranded creatures of destruction, without much help from external sources.

When the cycle of tingling gums, itchy nose, painful sinuses finally culminates into what Barney from How I Met Your Mother quotes as not sickness but awesomeness, for all practical purposes you wish you'd be restrained to your house. But since everything 'common' is regarded as trivial, so too with a cold you're expected to work as if nothing ever happened. People seldom show concern, nobody offers you a place in the public transport, nobody agrees to let you jump queues. Infact, people look at you with disgust- one of the perils of being affected by a contagious sickness. What you mean people don't realise is that the situation of my lungs is worse than freaking Afghanistan and there's a mini Iraq happening in my nose!

My day today began with blocked nasal passages and a voice that which refused to let me pronounce anything that contained the letters 'm' and 'n' properly. They say your heart skips a beat every time you sneeze. Thankfully, this is just a myth. Because by this logic I would've suffered a serious myocardial infarction today. ( Jazzy med vocabulary courtesy Greys Anatomy)

Also, I have never been able to understand why genetics would play such a cruel joke on me. If you go by Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest, shouldn't you ideally be acquiring the best genes from your parents? Not true, sire. The propensity to sneeze at arithmetical progressions has been imprinted in this poor soul's genetic makeup. For all (if any) and I say if any because they are too cool to be reading a blog full of randomness but if any geneticists/ bio technologist is reading this then it is a humble request to you to put a break on your research on modified brinjals and papayas and other such worthless fruit and work towards betterment of this condition.

For now though, my best friends include a box of tissues and the Otrivin nasal spray on my bedside table.

*atishoo*

Jagriti Yatra Musings

Months of anticipation finally culminated into the event that was the Jagriti Yatra 2011. Several uncertainties and apprehensions existed prior to the journey. While this blogpost was scheduled to appear about 2 weeks earlier as I sat writing it in the AC compartment of this one of a kind train called the Jagriti Express that was customized to include sleeping areas, bathrooms, washrooms, pantry cars, conference halls..you name it! But what really was the driving force behind this journey you may ask? I think it was the 450 odd strangers turned friends-for-life on the train which come from such varied backgrounds in terms of nationalities, personal backgrounds, walks of life, age groups et al.

Never before had I met such a vibrant group of people brimming with energy and enthusiasm to bring about a change in the society rather than just be bystanders and dinner table "wannabe" change makers.

A typical day would start at around 7 a.m with a rather mellifluous wake up call blaring on the PA system announcing 'Yatris, it is 7 am and it's time to wake up. I REPEAT, it is 7 am and its time to wake up. Our train will be reaching by 8 am. Please have your breakfast and de-board the train as soon as we reach since we have only a 10 minute halt. This was followed by a frenzy of sleepy people trying to hog the bathrooms and wash basins amid the background music which included 'Yun hi chala chal rahi', 'Aashayein', 'Kya Karoon' and 'Kandisa'. On most days, it was almost felt like you were inmates in the Bigg Boss house (in a nice way)!

By 8 am we would have reached our destination, still rather sleepy, the cold winter mornings fuelling the same. But 'Team Disha' armed with their super shrill whistles and motto of 'keep moving' ensured that by the time you reached the buses you were wide awake!

We covered 12 destinations in 15 days which meant covering the circumference of this country called India. Here's who-what we visited in a nutshell:

Mumbai: The starting point of the yatra. When I first walked into the IIT convention hall and saw this sea of people none of which seemed to be a familiar face, little did I know that 15 days later at Kalyan station it would be so difficult to say goodbye to the same people who had become family!

December 24, 2011 was also the day when we first rehearsed the 'Yaaron Chalo' song. The song is an anthem for all the yatris now and will surely be remembered for many years to come!

Dharwad: The next pitstop of the Yatra (Bigg Boss and the Amazing Race rolled into one) found us visiting SELCO which lit up the lives of people with solar power making it accessible and affordable to those who need it the most. What fascinated me was their 'Light to Education' program under which every child enrolled in government schools was given a solar powered lamp to study but which had to be recharged by bringing it to school the next day. This ensured a steady attendance of pupils.

Bangalore: The Silicon Valley of the East was next. We had an interactive session with Mr. Narayana Murthy who poured his heart out to us. What an unassuming man, what a powerful visionary and such a humble human being. We were super impressed with the Infy campus and inspired by the man who made it all possible.

This was followed by a panel discussion on technology start-ups comprising of the founders of Redbus, Babajobs and Ekopay. It was fascinating how seamlessly they had managed to integrate technology into successful entrepreneurial models.

Madurai: The city of temples brought with itself a visit to Aravind Eye Care, the pioneer in elimination of needless blindness. The model started by Dr. V has become a pilgrimage for millions of Indians who suffer from preventable blindness but who did not have the resources to avail medical facilities. There is no discrimination on the basis of the financial status of a person. The poorest of the poor and even the rich are given free medical aid if they so desire.

Kancheepuram: The damp, dark morning of Kancheepuram, a quintessential small sleepy town interspersed with small temples at every nook and corner. We met Gouthami who runs Travel Another India which is an enterprise engaged in rural tourism.

Vishakhapattnam: Vishakhapattnam is the home to Naandi- possibly India's largest kitchen which has also tied up with the government to provided hot midday meals to children in government and municipal schools. The Indian Navy hosted us in the evening and led us through some behind the scenes action.

Behrampur: By now we had come on almost the same latitude that we had started on. We were now on the eastern coast of the country in Orissa, a 180 degrees journey so far. We had the privilege of interacting with Mr. Joe Madiath, the founder of Gram Vikas whose story was truly inspirational. Gram Vikas has established sanitation facilities in the interiors of Orissa, one of the most backward regions of the nation. He calls toilets 'houses of dignity'

Patna: The dreaded North Indian winters awaited us in Patna. Wrapped in two-three layers of warm clothing we made our way to Nidan, an organisation striving to empower the underprivileged sections of the society including unorganized labour through community programs.

Deoria: The headquarters of the Jagriti Sewa Sansthan, we were greeted with much fanfare at the station with dhols and flower garlands. This was my first experience in an actual village. Lush green fields with bright yellow mustard flowers and freezing cold mornings, this was nothing short of a Yashraj movie set. I also made (in collaboration with others) my first ever business plan on rural tourism! We also had the opportunity to witness the traditional Alha performance which was one of the most entertaining dance performances I have ever seen in my life! Post this, we danced the night away.

New Delhi: The capital city was enveloped in thick fog the day we reached resulting in a 2 hours delay which proved to be a boon since we could catch up on some sleep. By now, deodorant cans had begun replacing buckets of cold water! The morning had sessions scheduled with the Ministry of External Affairs and a panel discussion with entrepreneurs such as William Bissell of FabIndia. What mesmerized me however, was the talk given by Anshu Gupta of Goonj. His words about how people are unable to afford clothing, the basic facet of human dignity and well-being still echo in my ears. A deeply moving session and a wake up call to face the reality!

Tilonia: The Barefoot college started by Bunker Roy in this discreet part of Rajasthan is responsible for lighting up remote villages all around the world. He started the concept of Solar Engineer Grandmothers who were handpicked and trained to bring about electrification of villages where no government programs had reached. In addition to this, Tilonia manufactures items of daily use as well as handicrafts. The yatris indulged in much longed for retail therapy.

Ahmedabad: The penultimate day of our journey brought us to the Sabarmati Ashram in Ahmedabad. The serene environs of the ashram resounded with Gandhiji's favourite bhajans, his way of life and teachings as we delved into trying to understand our life's purpose and all that we had experienced in the past fortnight. The evening session consisted of an interaction with SEWA, the women's self help group that aims at empowering rural Indian craftswomen. This was followed by the valedictory ceremony amidst loud cheers but somewhere deep down it was difficult to accept the fact that we would have to get back to our 'normal lives' the following day. It was an emotional moment for most of us when we sang the Jagriti anthem for one last time.

A few yatra moments I will never forget:

• The announcements over the PA system which were always followed by 'I repeat'
• The Fire Drill. "This is a drill", "this is a fire drill" (James Bond, much?)
• The long queues outside the tent bathrooms and the struggle to take a bath with ice-cold water in a moving train including the relentless sounds of "Does anybody have an extra bucket or an extra mug?"
• The hilarious and random conversations with the awesome people who lived in 15/7 and 15/8
• The endless hours spent on random platforms "networking" with people when the train was supposedly scheduled to arrive in 5 minutes
• The scramble for seats in the AC chair car sessions
• The new year celebrations inside a moving train replete with dance et al.
• The ever so cheerful catering guys who ensured that the 15 day 'diet' went for a toss!
• Learning Afrikaans and teaching my 'sister from South Africa' Hindi
• The sound of shrill whistles courtesy Team Disha
• The paparazzi moment at the Barefoot college at Tilonia where hundreds of children gathered to greet us
• The folk dance at the Gram Vikas school at Berhampur, Orissa
• The Jagriti anthem steps which I thought resembled Tai-chi at times!
• The Aquafina water bottle collection which 'is to be recycled and used to create an installation for the London Olympic Games'
• The Lifeline exercise with the group
• Not more than 6 hours of sleep in a day (luxury!)
• The beautiful countryside of India

My biggest take-away from the Yatra? Do what you are really passionate about. You couldn't care less about the world.

"Yaaron chalo, badalne ki rut hai!"

ps: Wish to be a part of this once-in-a-lifetime experience? Apply here http://2012.selections.jagritiyatra.com/register/jagriti/

Rockstar

I personally think Rockstar- the movie was sort of over-hyped. However, the songs were excellent and Ranbir Kapoor was phenomenal. Afterall, which girl wouldn't find a stubbly, brooding musician who walks around in a boho avatar adorable?

So for those, who aren't Ranbir Kapoor fans or Rahmaniacs but would like to know what Rockstar is all about without spending precious time and money, here's a snapshot...

Why I want an Armadillo

My laptop has a weak immune system. It is subject to attacks both internally and externally. Internally because it suffers from a lot of near death experiences which translates into me getting mini heart attacks and externally because it is constantly subject to peeling paint (which the Dell customer care executive says cannot be helped) and ant attack! Yes, you read it right.

I think my laptop is actually a camouflaged anthill and those tiny six legged creatures are guerilla warriors trying to seek revenge for some godforsaken reason because as far as memory can recollect, I have never ever harmed their kind, never subjected them to a watery death, never tried focussing sunlight on their colony through a magnifying glass, though I must admit I've been tempted.

Soo anyway after lying dormant in the Dell anthill for a while, family Formicidae has launched an attack stronger than ever before. The first time I noticed this phenomenon was when I thought Patrick Dempsey's irrestibly good looks were jeopardised by a mole on his face and a mole that moved! On closer inspection, it turned out to be the nasty six legged creature.

But seriously, do ants feed on metal these days? because I certainly don't devour those chhota Hide and Seeks or bhakar vadis in the vicinity of my laptop.

And this is not a stray case of ants. There probably exists a Formicidae Co-operative Housing Society nestled in the confines of my laptop's motherboard. I've tried boric powder, using a brush

to get rid of the ant menace. Unfortunately the All-in-one Hit will not reach the crevices of my laptop.

A friend suggested I call India TV to unravel the mystery behind the ant attack!What do you recommend?