I think Roger Moore was one of the most handsome looking James Bond of all time. Blah! This post ain't about him. It's about the FIFA superstar. Not Villa or Puyol or anything mind you, its Paul-the Octopus! The 2 year old superstar belongs to Phylum Mollusca and the sub species Octopus vulgaris (yes, I'm brilliant at Biology).
Its amazing how this psychic works. He uses all his 'clairbuoyant' powers and correctly predicts the winners in the matches Germany plays. But now that FIFA is coming to an end, the poor Octopus will lose his 30 days of fame and be back to being the Common octopus that it always was.
So, here are a few career options for Paul:
- Image consultant: Now then, our Indian green parrots have for ages picked up tarot cards for the jyotish babas. And 9/10 times (just like Paul) their predictions hit the bullseye. However, they've never been given so much name, fame, recognition and a Wikipedia entry. So, Paul the Octopus should probably be the best thing to give them an image makeover.
- Lecturer of Clairbuoyancy: I think it's high time the premier educational institutes of the world introduced this subject. They would have brilliant faculty in the form of Paul. He may even become a Dean, be given honorary citizenship of England and a Padmashri by the Indian Government. IIPM will call him to Mumbai as a guest lecturer and Arindam Chaudhari will pose with him and get a full page advert published on the fifth page of Times of India.
- Political advisor: Who needs a think tank to manage the candidature of your party for the forthcoming elections? Now you have Paul-the Octopus. Just put pictures of your prospective candidates in his aquarium. The one he sucks the most is the right one! And a strange co-incidence isn't it that the politicians suck too?
- Analyst on news channels: After the election results are declared,each and every news channel proclaims that their Exit poll results were the most accurate. However, now they will hire the services of the Octopus and voila the TRPs will SOAR!
- Remake of Octopussy: With Daniel Craig as James Bond now (sigh!), I think Paul will make a good Bond girl or a Bond boy. A Dostana inspired Octopussy? Uhmm. Pardon me. :|
- Ekta Kapoor's personal astrologer: Sunita Menon will have to be content with writing last page horoscopes for Mumbai Mirror. Paul will now be the favourite astrologer of the soap queen. She'll put two papers in the fish-tank with 2 names of a forthcoming soap beginning with the letter 'K'. Paul will pick. "Kahaani Kamaal Ki!" Right! :D
So, Paul worry not. You have a flourishing career ahead and before you know it FIFA will be back and the world will be at your tentacles again.
In the meantime, please recommend a clairbuoyant cousin of yours. I need some advice in choosing what to wear, every morning.
