Zodiac the 13th

Ophiuchus ( Pronouced as OFF-ee-YOO-kuss) is the newest addition to the Zodiac. It's the thirteenth symbol of the zodiac which has wreaked havoc. No seriously, I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I faced this major identity crisis. I went to sleep as an Aquarian but I woke up the next day to realise that I've turned into a Capricornian. This meant that I was no longer friendly and humanitarian , honest and loyal ,original and inventive or independent and intellectual but had turned into a ram who's pessimistic, fatalistic miserly and grudging. I believe I'm not the only one with several people harbouring grudges about the sudden loss of zodiac identity.

Here's also why I feel that a new zodiac sign is a bad idea after all:-

• Because the astrology based shows with spirit infested babas with black tikkas and raging hormones will get more air time on India TV, News 24 and the likes.

• Because the cheap imitation versions of Telebrands will start selling the Shree yantra with added benefits that will include a free guide on how to be a true Ophiuchusian.

• Because Ashutosh Gowariker will make now make a sequel to What's your Rashee and it will be four hours of unbearable torture.

• Because Bejaan Daruwala will get a new book deal and come up with two books on zodiac based predictions in the same year.

• Because no raddi wala will agree to take your second hand copy of Linda Goodman's Sun Signs.

• Because all the mugs engraved with zodiac sign that you'd received as birthday gifts over the years will now be of no significance now.

• Because you will no longer be able to use the phrase " I'm a true blue {insert Zodiac sign}-ian" now. (atleast for a while) as ice breakers.

• Because you will no longer be compatible with the people you supposedly used to be unless their signs have changed too and become compatible with people you hate. So, you might end up having arguments with your best friend and become best friends with your nemesis.

• Because you Ophiuchusians will not be able to find keychains or badges that you can pin on your bags at Crossword.

• Because Eyjafjallajökull will still be the toughest word in terms of pronounciation.

Here's the new Zodiac Chart:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11

Pisces: March 11- April 18

Aries: April 18- May 13

Taurus: May 13- June 21

Gemini: June 21- July 20

Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10

Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16

Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23

Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan 20

What's your NEW Rashee?!

On Facebook

Disclaimer: I would like to state this at the outset, that this post is not intended to mock anyone. Please do not take offence if some of this is true for you because some of this is true for me as well.

You may now read on. :)

I was researching on the Food Security Bill when I overheard my cook saying that she has a Facebook account. The Rangarajan Committee report had to be side-lined for a brief moment because I couldn't resist logging in and stalking her profile. But I didn't know her surname. I didn't want to ask.

Now, how this brief moment turned into half an hour I still haven't been able to figure out.And Facebook continues to remain open in one of the tabs whenever I happen to log in and for whatever reason.

So why after all are we obsessed with this blue and white and black page. [Trivia: Mark Zuckerberg is colour blind. Hence the colours] and what actually started this affair. Is it because we'd had our share of Fraaaandship requests on Orkut and moved over from Testimonials to Pokes and wanted an option that helps you connect with people you recognise by face or name or because it was a cool thing because you could write on people's walls without being chided? Whatever may be the reason it's turned into a virtual clone for most of us.And inspite of being aware of our "addiction" we do little about it.

Here are a few trends I've observed on Facebook which I personally find somewhat irksome.

• I moved on to Facebook from Orkut to stay away from creeps who send 'fraandship' requests. I must admit though, this option did offer some respite for some time, eventually the "Will you make fraandship" with me posts because "I'm a kewl n R0Ckkkk!|\|g Guy" did pour in to haunt me. The so called privacy settings didn't help either till much later.

• That Facebook is constantly "reinventing" itself. Just when you start getting used to a new avatar another one comes up and it's much worse than the former one. It's like Apple gadgets, you're hooked on to them even though you know that there aren't very many useful changes.

• That a lot of people do not understand what they are writing. We live times wherein Urban Dictionary has perv definitions for almost every single word. But why must people try to shorten simple four letter words such as "come" and write "I am cuming in an hour." Please refer to the Urban Dictionary incase you find nothing wrong with this sentence. Also, LOLsss is not a word. LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud in common parlance. You cannot possibly Laugh Out Loudssssss unless you're Mallika Sherawat from Hisssss.

• That our vocabulary seemingly comprises of mainly two words namely "Wassup" and "Nothing much"

• That my homepage is flooded with people joining hundreds of groups and liking thousands of pages.

• That I get Farmville, Fishville, Cityville requests everytime I log in.

• That people I barely know refer to me as "Dear", "Sweetie" and "Babe".
  

• That I get tagged in pictures that say "Merry Christmas " and "Happy Diwali" alongwith several other people who I don't know and get annoying notifications.

• That people feel the need to update every second of their lives and those indirect hints in the form of songs by Taylor Swift et al.

• That people who never speak with you face-to-face pretend to be best friends on Facebook chat.

• That Facebook's friend suggestions include the weirdest of people.They may include your former employer as well.

• That a lot of people enjoy sharing their wisdom and relationship advice and other forms of "gyaan" via status messages.

• That some of us believe in posting each and every Youtube link we come across

• That some of us stick to monikers and middle names such as "Stinson" or "Cullen" and the likes.

What are your pet peeves?