The British Royal Wedding

A lot has been said and written about the nuptials of Kate Middleton and Prince William, and why not? The modern day fairytale wherein the world's most eligible bachelor weds an ordinary girl after a romance that lasted a decade and a relationship that had it's own fair share of ups and downs reached it's happy ending with the ceremony at Westminster Abbey and was sealed with not one but two kisses on the balcony of the Buckingham Palace.

The affair to remember started with months of speculation when Kate (now HRH Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge) and William announced their engagement and the blue sapphire and diamond ring that once belonged the the ethereal Late Princess Diana so befittingly sat pretty on Kate's finger. Then there were speculations about her wedding dress, the cake and the invitees to the wedding of the century. Everything was closely guarded. In spite of all the paparazzi, I think the princess to-be maintained a very dignified profile inviting no bad press and no embarrassing blasts from the past excluding the famous sheer dress that she wore in her college's fashion show. But that should hardly be considered embarrassing since it was the same dress that made the Prince notice her!

There was a lot of excitement all over the world with poll results touting Kate to be one of the most popular royal brides ever. She enjoyed the goodwill of people all over the world. The excitement was palpable in India as well with the news and lifestyle channels partaking in the frenzy. Shows about royal weddings in the past, the lifestyle of the Middletons and interviews of the friends and family of the couple became a staple of prime time programming. All this lasted for a fortnight and it all culminated today with the live telecast of the royal wedding.

Now I must admit, I have never seen such a grand wedding being telecast for us 'Muggles.' The extravagance was evident right from the start when the guests started pouring in. The women in their ultra gorgeous Philip Treacy hats and the men in their best morning suits representing the who's who of the world sat in each other's company at the Westminster Abbey. This was followed by visuals everyone had been waiting for, the arrival of Prince William along with his best man and brother, Prince Harry to the church. As the Bentley pulled into the streets, the poster boys of the British monarchy waved at the crowds who'd been waiting all night long and into the morning to catch a glimpse. This was followed by the arrival of other members of the royal family including the groom's father and the Queen. Then came the visuals everyone had been waiting for, those of Kate getting into the car. The Chantilly lace bridal dress was designed by Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen and she wore a tiara the Queen had lent to her. She looked simple yet extremely elegant. As she stepped out of the car accompanied by her father and her maid of honour and adorably cute flower-girls and into the church, the picture seemed straight out an illustrated fairy tale.

As she walked down the aisle, one could see the best man telling the groom that his bride who had been a self proclaimed "bundle of nerves" just hours before the wedding looked beautiful. The archbishop led the vows for William and Kate. The only possible glitch that could've happened was when the ring didn't seem to fit Kate's finger but that was resolved and the couple was pronounced Man and Wife. They then proceeded on to sign the 3 registers that every royal couple must sign after being wed while the choir engaged in some opera.

And thus the wedding was solemnized. The girl who'd entered the church as a commoner stepped out as royalty. An open air horse drawn carriage stood waiting to escort the royal couple back to the Buckingham Palace. The bride who was now Her Royal Highness received a royal salute from the British cavalry and the newly-weds seemed to be enjoying every bit of affection and attention albeit in a dignified manner that was being showered upon them by the thousands of people who had gathered along the London sidewalk. They did their bit for the crowd, waving at them and acknowledging them.

And when the wedding part finally reached the palace and when they emerged in the balcony for their first appearance as Prince and Princess, they sent the crowds and the media and the millions of viewers across the world in a tizzy by kissing each other- a tradition established by Prince Charles and Lady Diana. The crowds clamoured for one more kiss, and the much in love couple happily obliged.

Thus, came down the curtains on the biggest reality show in modern history. A reality show with all the pomp and grandeur minus the advertisements and the sponsors. The girl next door had found her prince charming. And they lived happily ever after!

Morning Walk Musings

You don't stand before a mirror and wonder what the road will think of your outfit or listen to its jokes and pretend they're funny in order to run on it. It wouldn't be easier to run if you dressed sexier, the road doesn't notice if you're not wearing lipstick, doesn't care how old you are, you don't feel uncomfortable because you make more money than a road. You can call on a road whenever you feel like whether it's been a day or a couple of hours since your last date. The only thing a road cares about is that you pay it a visit once in a while.
-Nike ad:What Women Want

I happened to watch the Mel Gibson-Helen Hunt starrer last night. The theme of the movie was much done as the title suggests what women want, and for all practical purposes be it eye candy or entertainment, the movie didn't impress me much. The same old redundant and fantastic story of a man getting mind reading powers on being electrocuted in the shower and hearing what women want and eventually turning from a MCP to a more compassionate individual. Then ofcourse, he loses his powers on being electrocuted again, the same way our heroes regain their memory after getting hit by the same stick. What tremendously appealed to me in the movie was the above mentioned quote.

Contrary to what a lot of us may perceive it as, it's not to be construed only in the context of a man-woman relationship. No sir, it goes on to show how the dynamics and the struggles in the life of an individual.

Today morning when I put on a faded blue t-shirt, track pants and an utterly mismatched pair of red sneakers with a yellow rubber band adding to the melee of colours, and set foot in the park for my 2.5km walk, I realised how oblivious I could be to everything around me , everything except the Greenday song that played on my iPod which prompted me to run further. And it wasn't about running away from anything. It was just about moving ahead. And when I did take cognizance of the people around, I realised everyone was just the same. At that hour in the day, in a city like Bombay which is known to be the fashion capital of India, nobody had an ounce of make up or jewellery or matching clothes. Left me wondering as to why people (including me) can be so different in a matter of hours. Why must we dress to impress others?

They say clothes maketh a man but is that truly so? Are our clothes the testators of our character? If that were so, we would be changing with every new collection that hits the racks. Why must we be so conscious of the way we look when we step out in public? Why must we be commanded by those skinny girls who tell you to eat a particular brand of breakfast cereal to stay in shape?

Why must we pretend to be in control when we really aren't?

An Ode to Angry Birds

It was in the Mag section of a newspaper that I came across this App called Angry Birds. An App that was supposed to be a rage with the owners of iPhones and iPod touch. Since, I'm technologically inferior I tend to rely a lot on these reviews while deciding what app or games to download in general. And I happened to browse through the App store and found the trial version of the app and installed it like I'd done with many others. Little did I know that this game would turn into an addiction and I would end up playing it for hours at an end so much so that the battery would drain out.

The basic premise of Angry Birds is very simple. There's a bunch of birds armed with special powers who have to knock down green pigs who've placed themselves very strategically. So you have to load the birds onto a catapult and stretch it enough so that they knock the pigs down. The birds go wheeeeee and knock down the grunting pigs who mock at you if you're unable to complete the level. Thereafter, you replay the game with even more vengeance only to realise that that one pig which is still alive is smirking and grunting and mocking you. In a span of 2 weeks I was able to complete all the levels in the trial version. I then happened to chance upon Ducks vs Hunters on Facebook which was as bad a copy of Angry Birds as Karishma ka Karishma is of Small Wonder. I eventually succumbed to the addiction and went ahead and bought the full version of the App from the App Store for $0.99. This also happened to be my first purchase ever from the App store.

As the levels progress and there are over 60 levels, the level of difficulty gets greater and bigger and more number of pigs begin to appear with helmets. They are now ensconced in concrete, wood and glass walls which require a minimum of three bird hits to topple them down. The choice or order of birds unfortunately doesn't rest on you and you wish at times that the game would function on motion sensors and then gravity would do it's job.

These are the stars of the game:

Black Bird: This bird is explosive..literally! Falls on the structures and blasts them like a thousand sticks of dynamite.

Yellow Bird: Crashes right through the structures. Extremely powerful and very useful for pig destruction.

Red Bird: The small one does little harm but the big one is one huge cannon ball..crushes the pigs like those obese aunties in the local trains who crush you while jostling for place.

Blue Bird: This bird may be tiny but it splits into three birds which may not be very destructive but nevertheless add to the interest value.

White Bird: This bird drops an egg which is supposed to be explosive but does as little damage to a pig as bird poop would do if it were to fall on someone's head.

Green Bird: The green bird is the worst of all. It acts like a boomerang but loses it's rebound tendencies as soon as it touches anything including a balloon. To be able to use this bird well, you need to have paid attention to your teacher in your physics and trigonometry classes.

You are also rated on your performance with one, two or three stars depending on how well you've performed. As for me, I'm still stuck on level 3-16...any ideas?

Why CID is such an awesome show

If there is one thing that's constant on Sony Entertainment Television it's got to be CID. The show that's been going on for over a decade and shows no signs of going off air anytime soon. I sincerely hope that it doesn't. StarWorld quotes Michael Weston (Burn Notice) as the James Bond of Television but I think ACP Pradyuman and his team of super sleuths rule the roost.

Here's why I think the characters deserve a pat on the back:

ACP Pradyuman: Where else would you find an officer who is so committed and dedicated to his work that inspite of solving every case he lays his hands on, he doesn't get a promotion in 13 years and he still wants to continue with his job. He also believes in imparting education through the show. Ever noticed him demonstrating the Right Hand Rule? If not, then observe carefully the next time you watch the show! And don't miss him reiterating "Oh my gaaaawwd Yahan toh laash hai" , "Daya Darwaza tod do" and "Ab toh tumhe ya toh umarkaid ya phansi milegi"!

Abhijeet: Senior inspector Abhijeet is another promotion deprived officer on the show but he seems to believe in the theory of do your best and leave the rest. So he doesn't care about his promotion either. This could also be attributed to the fact that he was once hit by a rod which led to recurring bouts of amnesia. Unfortunately, what he doesn't forget is the fact that he has to hit on the not so good looking Forensics doctor with Maggi like hair who doesn't give a damn in every episode that goes on air.

Daya: Daya is one lucky guy. He joined the team as a sub inspector and went on to become a Senior Inspector. Seems like breaking doors and slapping criminals thereby leading to them confessing to their crimes does go a long way in getting promotions in the CID office. Also, he seems to be Abhijeet's chaddi buddy. It's almost like watching Chacha Choudhary and Saboo.

Sudhakar and Fredricks: Unfortunately, I could never figure out their designations. They seemed more like those people who stand behind the news reporter and wave at the camera just so that they can tell people "Dekha mujhe TV pe?" However, ever since Sudhakar quit, Fredricks gained prominence. Seems like he's gearing up for one of those lame ass comedy shows Aaj tak shows re runs of.

Dr. Salunkhe: CID saw a lot of forensic experts come and go but nobody could match up to the genius of Dr. Salunkhe. He says "Boss lashe bhi bolti hain", and he proves it. He merely glances at the dead body and is able to tell whether the body has been decomposing for 2 weeks or 3 weeks, whether the killer was a male or a female and what kind of poison has been used to murder the victim. He has a state of the art laboratory with beakers and test tubes brimming with soda and food colouring. He also has the latest technology to his disposal, softwares which might look as screen savers initially but are able to make such accurate sketches of the suspects that not a mole is out of place. He recently got a hair transplant. You should check out his before and after pictures.

Asha: The only woman officer whose name I remember. She used to be on the CID team when it premiered in '98. She quit the show and now has assumed the identity of a TV vamp with garish make-up and oversized bindis wrecking havoc in the protagonist's life. Wonder if CID is after her in their next case.

Now you can't help but admit that even though it may defy logic CID is an epic show- the Rajnikant of Indian Television!

The Railway Budget

Since, i have a lot of free time nowadays, my life's been reduced to the life of the proverbial couch potato. And these days I'm informed of everything that's there to see on television, I mean everything that comes under the Tata Sky package that has been very kindly subscribed to by my parents. Not that I didn't watch television earlier. I was always addicted to it but the affair seems to have grown off late.

So I watch everything from Zor ka Jhatka to Wipeout Australia, from Masterchef India to Masterchef US, India's Minute to Win it to Minute to Win it, Koffee with Karan to Koffee with Anu. You get the trend.

Today, i happened to stumble upon Channel 101, ie., DD National. And behold the sight of Mamta didi in her yellow shawl speaking Bengali with such elan that it almost sounds like Hindi and is actually comprehendable. I have to say that this is by far THE most entertaining reality TV show that I have ever seen. Agreed, Laloo was entertaining in his own inimitable style but Didi is no less. She sure is stealing his thunder and how!

So it's straight out of a reality show but mind you better than Bigg Boss or anything else you've seen so far and I bet this is one original Indian show format that will be copied by those American studios who blame us so ruthlessly for blatant copies of their formats. This is our answer.

All you need is a bunch of unruly senior folks who've been elected by the people , for the people and of the people of the country through a system called voting(that's how the initial revenue will come in). The varied their ethnicity, the better it is for the show. Because when one person says "Aap mujhe bolne kyu nahi deta hai"in a Bengali accent, the other person shouts "Jo bole so nihaal sat sri akaal."

And the way they shout and scream at each other will seriously put those baldies from Roadies and Dolly Bindra among others out of business.

Mamta Banerjee is like the class prefect who thinks they have all the authority but the truth is that nobody listens to them. So just like the class prefect who sulks and goes running to the teacher to complain about the errant students, she too requests Madam Speaker to ask the MPs to stop shouting in order for her to be able to talk. Now our Honourable Speaker is like the soft spoken teacher who everyone else takes for granted. So nobody listens to her.

Mamta Banerjee now sits down, stands up and sits down again. Tells the other to stop talking and listen to her but the situation is now out of hand with people threatening to stage walkouts because of the patronage she's given to her home state has not been taken too kindly just like being a class prefect's best friend is the best and the worst thing that could happen to you. You get all the favours while the other kids keep complaining until the class prefect, in order to safeguard his reputation gives away candies to the other kids as well. So now the other MPs are happy as well, their constituencies have received their privileges as well. Seems like lessons in politics do begin at school.

And all this while, Laloo ji is quietly sitting in one corner smirking away to glory because he knows that he is the veteran of politainment.

Now that's what I call paisa vasool entertainment.The great Indian tamasha or dance of democracy whatever you'd like to call it. Too bad, it comes just once a year!

Zodiac the 13th

Ophiuchus ( Pronouced as OFF-ee-YOO-kuss) is the newest addition to the Zodiac. It's the thirteenth symbol of the zodiac which has wreaked havoc. No seriously, I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I faced this major identity crisis. I went to sleep as an Aquarian but I woke up the next day to realise that I've turned into a Capricornian. This meant that I was no longer friendly and humanitarian , honest and loyal ,original and inventive or independent and intellectual but had turned into a ram who's pessimistic, fatalistic miserly and grudging. I believe I'm not the only one with several people harbouring grudges about the sudden loss of zodiac identity.

Here's also why I feel that a new zodiac sign is a bad idea after all:-

• Because the astrology based shows with spirit infested babas with black tikkas and raging hormones will get more air time on India TV, News 24 and the likes.

• Because the cheap imitation versions of Telebrands will start selling the Shree yantra with added benefits that will include a free guide on how to be a true Ophiuchusian.

• Because Ashutosh Gowariker will make now make a sequel to What's your Rashee and it will be four hours of unbearable torture.

• Because Bejaan Daruwala will get a new book deal and come up with two books on zodiac based predictions in the same year.

• Because no raddi wala will agree to take your second hand copy of Linda Goodman's Sun Signs.

• Because all the mugs engraved with zodiac sign that you'd received as birthday gifts over the years will now be of no significance now.

• Because you will no longer be able to use the phrase " I'm a true blue {insert Zodiac sign}-ian" now. (atleast for a while) as ice breakers.

• Because you will no longer be compatible with the people you supposedly used to be unless their signs have changed too and become compatible with people you hate. So, you might end up having arguments with your best friend and become best friends with your nemesis.

• Because you Ophiuchusians will not be able to find keychains or badges that you can pin on your bags at Crossword.

• Because Eyjafjallajökull will still be the toughest word in terms of pronounciation.

Here's the new Zodiac Chart:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11

Pisces: March 11- April 18

Aries: April 18- May 13

Taurus: May 13- June 21

Gemini: June 21- July 20

Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10

Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16

Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23

Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan 20

What's your NEW Rashee?!

On Facebook

Disclaimer: I would like to state this at the outset, that this post is not intended to mock anyone. Please do not take offence if some of this is true for you because some of this is true for me as well.

You may now read on. :)

I was researching on the Food Security Bill when I overheard my cook saying that she has a Facebook account. The Rangarajan Committee report had to be side-lined for a brief moment because I couldn't resist logging in and stalking her profile. But I didn't know her surname. I didn't want to ask.

Now, how this brief moment turned into half an hour I still haven't been able to figure out.And Facebook continues to remain open in one of the tabs whenever I happen to log in and for whatever reason.

So why after all are we obsessed with this blue and white and black page. [Trivia: Mark Zuckerberg is colour blind. Hence the colours] and what actually started this affair. Is it because we'd had our share of Fraaaandship requests on Orkut and moved over from Testimonials to Pokes and wanted an option that helps you connect with people you recognise by face or name or because it was a cool thing because you could write on people's walls without being chided? Whatever may be the reason it's turned into a virtual clone for most of us.And inspite of being aware of our "addiction" we do little about it.

Here are a few trends I've observed on Facebook which I personally find somewhat irksome.

• I moved on to Facebook from Orkut to stay away from creeps who send 'fraandship' requests. I must admit though, this option did offer some respite for some time, eventually the "Will you make fraandship" with me posts because "I'm a kewl n R0Ckkkk!|\|g Guy" did pour in to haunt me. The so called privacy settings didn't help either till much later.

• That Facebook is constantly "reinventing" itself. Just when you start getting used to a new avatar another one comes up and it's much worse than the former one. It's like Apple gadgets, you're hooked on to them even though you know that there aren't very many useful changes.

• That a lot of people do not understand what they are writing. We live times wherein Urban Dictionary has perv definitions for almost every single word. But why must people try to shorten simple four letter words such as "come" and write "I am cuming in an hour." Please refer to the Urban Dictionary incase you find nothing wrong with this sentence. Also, LOLsss is not a word. LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud in common parlance. You cannot possibly Laugh Out Loudssssss unless you're Mallika Sherawat from Hisssss.

• That our vocabulary seemingly comprises of mainly two words namely "Wassup" and "Nothing much"

• That my homepage is flooded with people joining hundreds of groups and liking thousands of pages.

• That I get Farmville, Fishville, Cityville requests everytime I log in.

• That people I barely know refer to me as "Dear", "Sweetie" and "Babe".
  

• That I get tagged in pictures that say "Merry Christmas " and "Happy Diwali" alongwith several other people who I don't know and get annoying notifications.

• That people feel the need to update every second of their lives and those indirect hints in the form of songs by Taylor Swift et al.

• That people who never speak with you face-to-face pretend to be best friends on Facebook chat.

• That Facebook's friend suggestions include the weirdest of people.They may include your former employer as well.

• That a lot of people enjoy sharing their wisdom and relationship advice and other forms of "gyaan" via status messages.

• That some of us believe in posting each and every Youtube link we come across

• That some of us stick to monikers and middle names such as "Stinson" or "Cullen" and the likes.

What are your pet peeves?