Her royal highness

Till today no force on earth has been so compelling that it wakes me up from my sleep in one attempt. My mom has tried all tricks in the book over the years to budge me from my sleep ranging from loud music (that makes me feel even more sleepy by the way) to sprinkling water on my face but in vain. But now there is a force who has been successful in jolting me up from my deepest sleep in one go. It is none other than my MAID and this article is dedicated to her.

She is the HRH I am talking about. The moment her fingertips touch the doorbell I am awake. umm is partly because of the consequences which I may have to face later such as ruining the afternoon siesta among other things.

My maid is a robust middle aged woman who goes by the name Lakshmi. I do not understand why every maid that I've had in Bombay has to be called Lakshmi and why all of them belong to some obscure village in Andhra Pradesh. But all Lakshmis have contrasting personalities. Lakshmi 1 was a chirpy 20 something female who would eventually get married giving way to Lakshmi 2 who had a morose expression and a peculiar trait of understanding Hindi only when it came to discussing her allowance. A new house comes with a new maid and so the new Lakshmi is a shrill high-pitched female who is bursting with an extra dose of enthusiasm when it comes to striking a conversation with me and an equally low degree of enthusiasm when it comes to dusting the house.

The moment she enters the house she rattles off her favourite ice-breaker "Babyji, nas(h)ta kiya". I have lost count of the number of times I've heard this sentence. Sometimes I wonder if I develop amnesia I may forget everything else but most definitely remember these words. She has failed to understand that no matter how many times she asks me this question, she will end up getting the same response. A negative one. She has failed to understand that her tactics that have an effect on my mother will never have an effect on me. Read: Giving her something to eat or giving her tea.

So on weekends when I do not have to wake up to open the door for her, she takes her revenge in a different way. She will open up all the blinds to let all the sunshine of the world enter my room and switch off the fan and deliberately not switch it on again. The response when I wake up "Babyji main toh bhool gayee" followed by that wicked grin of hers which makes me punch her right on her nose.

The other day she suddenly came up with the theory that I pretend not understanding Telugu but actually I do because I happened to put a Telugu channel on TV while channel surfing. And then there are days when she "accidently" hits my leg with the broom.

So all in all it is a hate-hate relationship. And I guess that's enough maid bashing for the day. :|